Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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