A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
