Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
