ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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