woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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