1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
zippers are such a cool invention
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
