I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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