I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
