Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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