Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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