I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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