he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
