everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
