I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
