Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
