I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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