At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
