how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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