I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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