I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
