so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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