Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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