I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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