in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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