Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
