the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
