I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
