I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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