i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
