Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
