I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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