he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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