Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
