YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
