I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
