so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
