now i know why i became what i already was.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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