ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My day in three words: secret purse cake
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
