i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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