so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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