Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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