i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you traded sex for a burrito?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
