dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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