You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
