i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
