your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just cut my nipple shaving
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Alive.
So much puke
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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