Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
