Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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