beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
