Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
