I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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