I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
this hospital has no fireball
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
