you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
