So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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