It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
