I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
