Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Say something about gay babies.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
